Cleft Chins and Unibrows
by rhymeswithmonth
Summary: AU: the meeting of water and fire sends the world into an era of chaos...teen angst, brain damage, and yodeling haunt our heros as the fire nation reigns with terror. first fic. crack and VERY OOC.
1. The Meeting

Title: Cleft Chins and Uni-brows

Pairings: Ozai/Kana (Gran-Gran)

Summary:AU, the meeting of water and fire sends the world into an era of chaos...teen angst, brain damage, and yodeling haunt our heros as the fire nation reigns with terror. first fic. crack and VERY OOC.

* * *

Months after Sozin's comet and the conquering of the Earth and Northern Water nations, only the Southern Water tribe remains for the Fire Nation to take over. Since it was a special occasion, and the tribe seemed so small and insignificant, fire lord Ozai got all dressed up in his best suit, waxed his uni-brow, and came along to conquer the village. Ever since the tribe's great and only warrior, Sokka, had left, the village began falling apart; which made taking it over easy. Someone caught Ozai's eye. A vision of beauty…

…with a cleft chin! As Ozai pushed his way through the frightened water tribe, a feeling of intense desire coursed through him. And as he came to stand before the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, the feeling over-whelmed him. She spoke 4 delicious and entrancing words. "Call me Gran-Gran."

Ozai and Gran-Gran have been dating quite seriously over the past few months, going to all the fanciest parties and clubs. Ozai was devoting himself completely to Gran-Gran and he was unaware that his newly built empire was becoming a ghetto. Drive-by bending and illegal cactus juice dealing were regular occurrences.

* * *

"Come ON you guys! You've been in that cave for over half a year!" Katara pleaded desperately. They all ignored her. Appa was the only one who listened to her, but he was incapable of doing anything ever since his 'accident'/ lobotomy. Aang was busy fawning over his newly grown emo hair by a puddle in the back of the cave, Sokka had been O.D.ing on cactus juice ever since Suki ran off with the cabbage man and Ty Lee discovered she had ADD, and when he wasn't drinking, Sokka was howling to his lost love, the moon. Toph had slowly gone insane and now spent her days talking to rocks. And Momo, well Momo was busy romancing a rat-bird. Katara was the only sane one and spent the last 6 months trying to coax out and bring food to the Gaang.

She only had one small problem; Katara was now completely obsessed with eyebrows. She spent her free time next to Aang staring in the puddle stroking her eyebrows.

One day, they received an invitation:

You are invited to the wedding of

Gran-Gran

And

Lord Ghuchtachmdt

January 22nd at 1:00pm-9:3pm

Bah Sing Sai Golf Course

"Ooooh! Gran-Gran is getting married!" Katara exclaimed.

"Cannnnnn I bring daa moooon? hick" Sokka managed to slur.

"Uh, sure Sokka." Katara replied.

* * *

well...it's my fist story. my friend and i wrote it while in the middle of the desert and high on sugar. that is my excuse for the insanity and lack of plot. but it makes us laugh.

please tell me what you think.


	2. The Wedding

Title: Cleft Chins and Uni-brows

Pairing: Ozai/Kana(Gran-Gran)

Summary: AU: the meeting of water and fire sends the world into an era of chaos...teen angst, brain damage, and yodeling haunt our heros as the fire nation reigns with terror. first fic. crack and VERY OOC.

* * *

Katara decided that Aang's emo hair needed to go

Katara decided that Aang's emo hair needed to go. With a razor behind her back, she slowly inches toward him. Suddenly, she pounces and ties the poor emo boy up with rope. He kicked and screamed, but to no avail. Locks of beautiful, shaggy, black hair fell to the ground until Aang was once again bald. (With a few dots of blood soaked Kleenex) Aang stared in front of the puddle, sobbing as he stroked his hairless head.

Katara went up to Toph who was trying to polish her rocks for the wedding. "It's more effective if you rub it against the side of your nose." "Gee, thanks Katara!" The crack of rock against bone echoed through the cave. "OWWWW! MY NOSE!!" Toph screamed in anguish.

Let' s leave this scene and journey to the Swiss Alps…

* * *

"Yodel-ay-yodel-ay-yodel-ay-hee-hoo!"

"That's pretty good Zuko, but let a pro show you how it's done." Azula opened her mouth and let out a continuous yodel. Still sibling competition!

"You've got mail," an electronic female voice said. Zuko and Azula rushed to their Mac, pushing and shoving to get their first.

"Hey, we've been invited to do a performance at Dad's wedding!" Azula exclaimed.

"Finally, I can restore my honor. Now where'd I put my skin-tight spandex yodeling suit?" Zuko squealed like a pre-teen girl at a Justin Timberlake concert.

Let's leave this scene before it gets too graphic……………

* * *

Finally, the big day came. Toph's rocks and Aang's head shone in the sunlight. Gran-Gran showed her wrinkles proudly in a tight, skimpy, skin-tight leather tube dress and matching fake plastic leather go-go boots. Her pink streaked hair was pulled elegantly into a bun. Ozai wore a simple yet dashing tux and a tie with flaming Harley Davidsons. First to arrive was Cabbage Man and a very pregnant Suki. Sokka glared at them while drinking cactus juice from a paper bag. Toph was crouching under the cake table cooing to her rocks, Aang was staring enviously at Zhao who had mysteriously came back to life with a full head of emo hair, and Katara was looking for her new Grand poppa while violently stroking her eyebrows.

Suddenly, she caught sight of Zuko and Azula in matching spandex suits chatting up Bumi. "My Daddy owns the world." Azula said in a Paris Hiltonish voice. "What are you doing here?? And what are you wearing?!" "Our Daddy's getting married." Azula answered. "And we're doing a yodeling performance." Zuko added gleefully. "Oh, I think you're at the wrong wedding. This is my Gran-Gran's wedding." Katara said.

"Wait… Gran-Gran is _your _grandmother?!" Zuko and Azula gasped simultaneously.

"And your last name is Ghuchtachmdt!? Snicker so my Gran-Gran is marrying your dad? OZAI!!" Katara screamed hysterically.

All was quiet except for the creaking of leather, which announced the arrival of Gran-Gran and Ozai. "Bonding kids?" Ozai smiled slyly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? YOU'RE MARRYING THE FIRE-LORD? ARE YOU INSANE?" Katara spazzed.

"Well, uni-brows have always turned me on…….." replied Gran-Gran.

"You should be happy, you're a Fire Nation princess now!" boomed Ozai. "Now Katara, stop complaining and get into your flower girl dress, Azula in your bridesmaid gown, and Zuko, ring-bearer suit."

"But I want to wear my spaaaaaandexxx!" whined Zuko.

"Fine. Be that way." Grumbled Ozai.

The wedding was a day to remember. Jeong Jeong played the organ beautifully; Zuko and Azula entertained the guests by yodeling, and the ceremony was delivered by a teary eyed Iroh.

After dinner and a delicious cake homemade by Koh, Ozai and Gran-Gran went into the back room for some 'alone time'.

Finally, it was time for the photo shoot.

"Katara, Sokka, go stand with your Aunt and Uncle." Gran-Gran ordered. "I don't see Uncle Joe and Aunt Debbie!" "No. Uncle Zuko and Auntie Azula." Answered Ozai. "But I waaaaannaa stand byyy my Auntie Yuuuuuuuue!" slurred Sokka in a Texas accent.

"WHAT!? IS THIS A JOKE??" Katara, Zuko, and Azula shouted in unison.

"Well, because of a lengthily reason which makes complete sense but since I'm a busy person, I don't have time to explain…I am the fire lord you know." Ozai explained.

So Katara, Sokka, Zuko, and Azula were forced to pose for endless photos while Ty Lee giggled hysterically and occasionally went into twitching spasms on the floor, but still laughing maniacally.

Mai now has a thing for yodelers. Especially ones in spandex.

Suki went into labor.

Momo and the Rat-Bird will soon be proud parents

The wedding came to a close. Ozai and Gran-Gran rode off into the sunset on a Komodo-Rhino; beginning a new life, starting a family shudder , torturing their present family, ruling the world, and so much more.

* * *

yeah...its interesting. the rubbing rocks against your face thing is actually true, as gross as it sounds. it works best if you havn't bathed in a while...


End file.
